I've worked at the SEC for years, and let me tell you, there was nothing suspicious about Bernard Madoff's actions. This has come as a complete shock to me and my colleagues. Madoff was a friend. He had this cute little nickname where he called himself "Ponzi," or, "The Ponz"...

It was 1987. I was an ambitious young reporter just out of college in Hong Kong writing a story for my local newspaper about the deadly martial arts tournament, Kumite. Van Damme was there researching for his movie, Blood Sport. However, Van Damme wasn't allowed to simply observe the Kumite,...

If I were Bush I wouldn't ask for a crummy free-trade agreement with Colombia in exchange for a bailout of the auto industry. I would say, "Listen, BO, I'll agree to your stimulus package as long as YOU agree that you, nor anyone else in the world is allowed to...

Make sure you have your correct polling place picked out. It's probably at a scary public school or creepy nursing home or a haunted Victorian insane asylum. Don't worry, the ghosts won't get you probably. Drink lots of beer to keep hydrated and warm in case you have to wait...

If what Sarah Palin's preacher said is true and we're all going to be headed to Alaska come Rapture time, which should be any second now, I want Alaska to be as nice as possible. Sure, it has plenty of open space and pristine wilderness and wildlife, but...

Hey, Racists! Let's make a deal. You can tell everyone that you voted for McCain and yell to whomever will listen that you will never/did not vote for a black man. But Racists, guess what? You're alone in that voting booth. No one will ever know. Vote for Obama, the...

Last night's debate confirmed that everyone in America is named Joe. As far as I can tell, there's Joe Biden of course, Joe Six Pack, the dude that Joe Biden hung out with in Home Depot named Joe and now Joe the Plumber. What were people thinking when they started...

Is McCain still old?

Is Obama still black?

Did Obama look at me personally, or was he looking at the camera?

Did McCain's left ear just fall off?

Did Obama just make a secret terrorist hand gesture that would signal his terrorist friends to hop in the Obama Time Machine...

I think John McCain should seek the Ark of the Covenant to propel him towards victory. When last we saw the Ark in Raiders of the Lost Ark it was in Washington D.C. in a huge government storage unit in a wooden crate labeled "Top Secret" amongst thousands of wooden...

Fifty percent of your grade is based on participation. You may have a lot of homework and you may fail a test, but just by participating you will raise your average. I recommend that you participate not only in the classroom, but in life as well. Any of you could...