Harry Reid and the rest of the senate appear to be backing away from their "Burris won't get the seat" hard-line after several days of Burris supporters accusing people opposing the appointment of trying to lynch a black man (in a manner of speaking). Burris hasn't been cleared yet since the Illinois Secretary of State refused to sign his appointment letter, but once that hurdle is cleared it's looking likely that Burris will have Obama's seat.

Once he's seated, how awkward will those early conversations between Burris and his fellow senators turn out to be? Considering they threatened to block him from the seat, and all anyone could talk about was the "taint of corruption" on any appointment by Blago, probably a little awkward. To help our Senators through it, we've created this handy "Chatting with Roland Burris"-o-tron, containing all the icebreaking awkward silence fillers a Senator talking to Roland Burris might need.  More ...

Dear Hamas, (and most of the rest of the Arab world),

What are you thinking? You cannot still be calling for the destruction of Israel. Seriously, it is not gonna happen. Let's just forget the infidelish, anti-Semitism of it all and concentrate on your Blagojevichian arrogance. Do you really think you can accomplish what the Germans could not? Germans? The people who built special camps dedicated to eradicating Jews from the face of the Earth. The master race who, for four straight years, killed every Jew that wasn't hidden by Oskar Schindler? You really think you can outdo the Germans?  More ...

Barack Obama's picks for the intelligence community signal clear desire to end all forms of torture, or "enhanced interrogation techniques." Potential CIA director Leon Panetta wrote, during the Bush Adminstration, "We cannot and we must not use torture under any circumstances. We are better than that."

Well, Leon, that's all well and good for America and justice, but what about CIA interrogators? How are these guys supposed to change their ways overnight? People are creatures of habit, and if you're used to crushing balls, it's hard to stop, cold-turkey. Lest you forget, your own boss still sneaks smokes.

We care about torturers. That's why we've come up with a few ways these aggressive souls can channel their skills into the workforce. By force.

Waterboarding. Stricken with the urge to nearly-drown something? How about overwatering that plant in the kitchenette? You know, that dried up, Philodendron that's sitting right next to the cookies that the temp baked, in a failed effort to get hired? Yeah, that plant. Close the kitchenette door, and fill the "World's Greatest Secretary" coffee mug with water. Gently part the plant's leaves and... douse that bitch. Refill the mug IMMEDIATELY and do it again. And again. And again. Do it until the water spills over on whats-her-face's cookies. Keep pouring until there's water and soil all over the floor and that plant is just a pile of leaves, floating in a clay pot.  More ...

So much for the average American family. Levi Johnston's mom, Sherry Johnston, was all alone in court yesterday when she pleaded not guilty to charges of distribution of Oxycontin. Her son and daughter-in-law to be were not by her side. Neither was her partner in grandmotherly duties, Sarah Palin. Is this how a hockey mom treats her family? We thought the Palins were about sticking by their kin, no matter how pregnant or redneck they get.

Well we're not letting Sherry down, and neither should you. Sherry is our strongest hope in shaming Sarah out of contention for the 2012 republican nomination, and she needs our support. If you stand by Sherry, write her a letter. Ours is below. Get to work on yours and let Sherry Johnston know, she is not alone...  More ...

Former congressman and White House chief of staff Leon Panetta has been tapped by Barack Obama to head up the Central Intelligence Agency. The appointment has divided Democrats, because while Panetta is respected for his managerial, foreign policy and budgetary experience, he doesn't exactly have the most...how should we put this...intelligence credentials. He did not serve on the House Intelligence Committee, and has little direct intelligence experience other that attending briefings in the Oval Office while chief of staff for President Clinton.

Panetta is sure to face an intense confirmation process, with several top Democrats already expressing their displeasure, to say nothing of the opposition party. Before the grilling begins, what do we need to know about the man who's soon going to be listening to your private overseas phone sex calls?  More ...

Washington, DC. America's capital, symbol of our greatness, and once a year, a mecca for gay leather fetishists who visit for the annual Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend (celebrating its silver anniversary this year!). This year, the event (which is expected to draw upwards of three thousand leather fans) is taking place from January 16-18, just a few short days before the inauguration of President-Elect Barack Obama, who prefers to keep his own sexual proclivities off the streets of Washington.

Though organizers for both events don't predict any confusion or problems due to the, ahem, "tight" scheduling, we at 23/6 just want to make sure that, whether you're down in DC for the swearing in or the humping, you know the difference between the two events.  More ...

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#33: Because, c'mon, don't you feel safer already?

Professional bicycle rider Lance Armstrong may run Texas's next open Senate seat. The testicular cancer survivor told the Daily Beast, "If you feel like you can do the job better than people who are doing it now... then that's a real calling to serve." Oh great, now everyone in America is going to run for office.

A seat in the United States Senate. Caroline Kennedy wants one, Fran Drescher is mulling it over, and now Lance Armstrong. Why do so many celebrities go big immediately? Can no one get their legislative feet wet on the city council? Even Sarah Palin started at the PTA. Senators need to pass good legislation and block bad legislation- job requirements which demand a unique blend of backslapping and backstabbing that we're not sure that winning Tour de France teaches. In fact, we're pretty sure you have to be a massive dick to win the Tour eight times AND conquer stage IV cancer. His story sounds somewhat epic, almost McCainian, and we all know how that turned out.

All we're saying perhaps Lance's temperament is better suited to a Governor's mansion. Not that it matters, his senate campaign is in full swing:  More ...

Laura Bush has closed her book deal to write a memoir about her life and time in the White House. The First Lady was given a book deal before President Bush, since everyone assumes he needs a few years to get caught up to speed on what actually happened during his presidency. Many are curious by what Mrs. Bush will reveal, since it's long been suspected that she's far more liberal than her husband.

Will she speak her disappointment in her husband's policies? Will she address the frustration in standing by her man when she didn't agree with him? Will she finally lift the lid on the Lincoln Bedroom meth orgies? There's no reason to speculate anymore because we have an early draft of the proposed table of contents. Check it out...  More ...

With news of New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson withdrawing from the Obama cabinet due to a pay-for-play investigation, it's now official: the corrupt State governor is the new pervy Republican congressman. Richardson joins Rod Blagojevich and Eliot Spitzer in their apparently nationwide effort to make the position of state governor the least trusted post in American government.

With the growing negative stigma attached to state Governors, it's become increasingly important to prevent yourself and your family from having any association with these depraved creatures. Spend five minutes alone with a governor and you could be in front of a grand jury within the week. We've created this handy guide to help protect those you care about from any negative associations with our country's governors...  More ...

President Bush will lose his Secret Service detail in ten years. Thanks to a law passed in the 90s, any president elected after 1997 (Bush counts!) is protected at taxpayer expense for only ten years after their last term ends. It's a coincidence that the first president affected by this law is also the president with the lowest approval ratings since the United States started having presidents. How can Citizen Bush protect himself after the guys in wraparound glasses leave? We have five ideas for you, Mr. President!

Hide behind the mainstream media. If they can protect you from impeachment, they can protect you from assassination.

Travel with Dick Cheney, 24 hours a day. No one will shoot you if Cheney's in the line of fire. And just before Dick's about to die, lean over, smother him, then scream, "I'm finally free!" Appear on The View and tell the ladies about your eight years in captivity. Seriously, that's the only thing that would explain this presidency.

Pretend you are the star "W." If someone asks, "Are you President Bush," laugh and say, "I get that all the time." Then write, "Best, Josh Brolin," on their napkin.

Pretend you are your Dad. And move to (George H. W.) Bush Street, Kuwait City, Kuwait. They like you guys there!

If you are under attack, just stand there and hope their aim is bad. Technically, that's all the Secret Service does anyway.

It's all over but the crying, and also an extended legal challenge. The Minnesota Canvassing Board convened today to certify Al Franken as the winner in the state's grueling Senate recount. But incumbent Norm Coleman is almost certainly expected to file suit during the seven-day waiting period leading up to the official certification. Coleman is still trying to get the state Supreme Court to include 650 rejected ballots in the recount totals, as well as disqualify other ballots that went for Franken.

It's gonna be a long week, at the end of which we still might not officially have a winner to fill the Senate seat. In fact, if this internal memo we obtained from the Coleman campaign is any indication, this might take quite a while still...  More ...

#32: Because he gave up golf for the troops.

The folks at Fannity (fans of Hannity) liked Tips for Traveling Muslims... for all the wrong reasons.

This is like when Dave Chappelle quit Comedy Central because a white crew member laughed a tad too Klannily at sketch that used the n-word. If we could afford the plane ticket, we'd be blogging from South Africa right now.